One, Two
by Ailis Ceana
Summary: At one point in their lives, they both wished they had never been born. But despite the countless hardships, in the end, they had each other and a happy life ahead.


_**A/N: Ah, so I've been reading all these fluffy birthday drabbles today, and I kinda feel bad about this one now. But I still hope you guys like it. This is for the wonderful Choi twins who deserve a thousand happy birthdays:)**_

 _ **TW: Heavy themes of child abuse in the first part**_

* * *

Saeyoung waited until he heard the droning snore of his drunk mother before even daring to crack open one eyelid. He propped himself up on his elbows. They ached against the hardwood floors, but he ignored it and strained his ear.

Another snore.

He released a short breath before pushing himself onto his feet. Using his thick socks as a buffer, he carefully maneuvered his way past his mother's resting place on her mattress. He paused and looked behind at it. He wondered what it would feel like to sleep on one. Would it be warmer than the sheet he slept on at night? Or maybe she stayed warm because of the fluffy looking blanket.

He shook the fantasy from his mind and proceeded to his destination. He had spent weeks preparing for this—memorizing where the floor bent, where it creaked, and where it was slippery enough to glide over instead of step on. Finally, he made it to the closet.

He cringed when the door let out a high-pitched squeak, but it didn't seem to disturb his mother. He entered the closet, leaving it slightly open so the moonlight could guide his way. "Saeran," he called softly.

There was no response. Saeyoung creeped forward, hands outstretched. His fingers brushed through a scruff of hair. He kicked the door open a little more so he could see his brother. Saeran didn't stir from the contact. His head remained leaning against his slouched shoulder, his mouth a little ajar.

Saeyoung's heart dipped at the bruise on his twin's cheek. It was beginning to color after this morning's…incident. Not wanting to disturb him for a few more minutes, he knelt down and undid the knot around Saeran's ankle. He hissed at the bloody scratches from the rope. Their mother tied it extra tight today.

Forcing down the throb, Saeyoung put on his best smile and shook his brother's shoulder. Saeran looked about dazedly until his bleary eyes found his form. "H-hyung?"

Saeyoung pressed his finger to his lips. "Be quiet now. I have a surprise in the kitchen."

He walked towards the door when he heard a quiet thump. He turned and found Saeran wobbling on his hands and knees, his legs probably weak from lack of circulation. Saeyoung jumped into action and slipped an arm around his waist, hoisting him to his feet.

Together, they sneaked into the kitchen. Their house was small…tiny really, since their mother wasted most of their father's due allowance on alcohol. But, Saeyoung was grateful to God that their kitchen was a separate room with a separate door.

Once he got Saeran through, he lowered him to the ground where he could sit comfortably. Saeyoung shut the door, leaving the light off lest it draw any attention.

"Hyung, what are we doing here?" Saeran said, his voice small and fearful. "What time is it?"

"Time?" Saeyoung said, crawling into one of the cupboards. "Saeran, the time isn't important. It's the day that is."

"What's today's date?" Saeran asked.

"June 11th," Saeyoung replied, grabbing an old cereal box hidden in the back. He crawled back out, careful not to tilt the box. "We turn thirteen today!"

Saeran's eyes widened. "Our birthday?"

Saeyoung nodded emphatically. "And this year, we're going to celebrate. One of my friends from church said I could have candles and gave me these matches. It was nice of him to remember, don't you think?"

He reached inside the cereal box and lifted out a cupcake—the icing miraculously intact—two candles, and a small pack of matches. He scooted over next to Saeran and began to place the candles into the pastry.

"Why do people light candles?" Saeran asked. "Won't it ruin the cake?"

"Hmmm," Saeyoung hummed. "Maybe it's because birthdays are meant to celebrate life. We're supposed to be happy we're born, right? Light…happiness…it makes sense."

Saeran fell into an awed silence when the match hissed and burst into a small flame. Saeyoung carefully lit both candles before blowing out the match. The soft rays fell on Saeran's face, revealing his sparkling eyes and wide smile. He hadn't looked so happy in so long…

"This is where we make a wish, right?" Saeran asked.

Saeyoung grinned. "Oh, I almost forgot! Good thinking, Saeran. On the count of three, we'll blow them out. Ready?"

 _One…_

 _Two…._

They never got to three. The rush of air from the kitchen door extinguished the flame before either one of them could.

"I knew I heard something," came the drunken slurs of their mother. She saw the smoke from the candles, and her mouth curled into a snarl. "Are you brats trying to kill me? Stupid…"

Saeran let out a sharp yelp and cowered into the corner. Saeyoung instinctively used his own body as a shield. "M-mom," he began. "We were just—we didn't want to wake you—"

She didn't let him finish. She grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked him into the middle of the kitchen. He wasn't sure what flew out of her mouth next. He was only aware of the stinging on his face…his arms…his legs. Saeyoung pressed his lips together, refusing to let out a cry from his mother's blows. He didn't want Saeran to think he was in a lot of pain.

He couldn't help it though when his mother flung him away, finished with her wrath. Saeyoung scrambled to his feet to protect Saeran, knowing she would turn to him next. But, by the time he could clear his head of shock, his brother's screams were already bouncing off the thin walls. That hurt more than the harm Saeyoung endured himself.

"Mom! Stop!" Saeran sobbed. "Mom, please! Please, no more!"

Saeyoung stumbled forward, grabbing his mother's arm and tugging her back before she did more damage. It earned him a slap across the face, but at least she forgot about the beating. She dragged Saeran back into the closet by the collar of his shirt. Saeyoung watched helplessly….as he always did. He could stop the physical abuse sometimes…but he could never keep him from being locked up. He knew it would only make it worse for him, when Saeyoung wasn't there.

He gulped when his mother returned to the kitchen, her eyes flashing in anger. She was worse when she was drunk and angry.

"You…" she sneered. "Always getting in the way. Both of you getting in the way of my life…I should've never—" she stopped, her alcohol-reeking breaths coming out in ragged fragments. She pointed to the now crumbled cupcake on the floor. "Clean that up."

Saeyoung did what he was told, scooping the remains of what should've been a happy moment into the trash. When he turned back around, his mother was holding another coil of rope. He swallowed against the growing lump in his throat.

She didn't tie him up often. Something must've happened at the bar to make her so mad today. She grabbed him by his hair, like before, and pulled him into the living room. She shoved him onto a chair and tied him down. The rope dug into his arms and legs, but Saeyoung bit down on his lip before a sob escaped. He could still hear Saeran's whimpers from the closed door behind him, and he didn't want to aggravate his brother's pain. Not today of all days. And not after what just happened.

Once their drunken mother was satisfied with her work, she staggered back into her room, the creak of her spring mattress the only indication that their momentary reprieve had come.

Saeyoung couldn't stop his tears now. They streamed silently down his face, darkening the brown rope squeezing his ribs. He just wanted one day…just one day where he and Saeran could be happy for longer than thirty seconds. Were they not deserving of that?

Saeran's sniffles morphed into words. He was calling him. "Hyung," he said more distinctly now.

"I'm here," Saeyoung said, keeping his voice steady.

"You know what I wish?" he said. His voice grew tighter and even thinner. "That we were never born…maybe then, we wouldn't be such a burden to Mom. Dad wouldn't look for us. You wouldn't have to protect me all the time, and I wouldn't be in pain. Wouldn't it have been better that way?"

"Don't say that!" Saeyoung snapped. "Don't…think things like that, Saeran. We're going to get out of here one day, and we're going to live happy normal lives. I promise."

His brother fell silent again, and Saeyoung assumed he was in too much pain to reply or he had just let sleep overtake him. He hoped it was the latter.

Despite the positive words spewing from his mouth seconds before, Saeyoung's heart threatened to shatter. Deep down inside, he agreed with Saeran. With every bruise…every harsh word…every single day of their hellish lives, he too wished they had never been born.

 ** _10 years later…_**

Saeyoung moaned when someone shook his shoulder. He rolled over to his other side, clutching onto the spare pillow and burying his face in it. He was shaken again, and his body protested against the external provocation to wake.

"MC…five more minutes," he muttered, patting the hand that still rested against his bare skin.

"Ew, I'm not your girlfriend, you weirdo. Get up."

Saeran's voice snapped the haziness from his mind immediately. Saeyoung jolted upright in his bed, his hand slapping around his bedside table for his glasses. He fumbled to put them on his face while simultaneously detangling himself from the sheets. "What's wrong? Is everything okay? Do you need something—"

"Shut up for one second, will you?" came Saeran's usual annoyed voice.

Saeyoung pushed his bangs out of his eyes and turned to the clock. It was nearly four in the morning. Saeran had moved to the foot of his bed, still dressed in his pajamas and his hair still mussed from sleep. But there was no fear behind his eyes as there usually was when he entered his twin's room at this hour. No… a nightmare didn't bring him here.

"What's going on?" Saeyoung said. His words came out sluggishly now that the initial adrenaline had disappeared. With the soft bed underneath him, the urge to fall back asleep right then and there was tantalizing.

"Hurry up and get out of bed," Saeran said. "Meet me in the kitchen."

"The kitchen?" Saeyoung echoed. He scratched his head and heaved a sigh which morphed into a yawn. Under Saeran's impatient glare, he swung his feet over the edge of the bed and slipped them into his cat slippers. "I'm coming…I'm coming."

He hurried after his brother, noticing the rising temperature of the room as they approached the kitchen. He frowned at the mess of flour and what looked like a few egg shells scattered across the counter.

"MC said to follow the instructions on the box," Saeran explained, his cheeks turning a little red. "She said it would be easy, but that's a bunch of bullsh—"

He stopped when Saeyoung glared.

"Er—crap," he finished. He turned and swiped off a plate holding a single cupcake with two small candles crookedly stuck through the top.

Saeyoung's chest tightened and tears stung his eyes. "Saeran, you made this for-"

"We never got to blow them out that one time," Saeran interrupted. He couldn't seem to bring his eyes off the pastry. "And after that…well, we never did anything, right?"

Saeyoung nodded, not trusting his own voice at the moment. After the last incident on their thirteenth birthday, they didn't dare celebrate again. And after their fifteenth…Saeyoung left and tried to spend his future birthdays in as much solitude as possible.

"I'm only saying this once, so shut up and listen, okay?" Saeran said, his voice gruff but something in the upturn of his lips betrayed his fondness. "That day…and every birthday after, I wished I would've never been born. I wished that the entire world would just—just reset and I would be out of pain and misery."

Tears brimmed Saeyoung's eyes, but he quickly darted them away with his thumb. "I'm sorry," he forced. His voice cracked, but he didn't care. "I'm sorry that you had to suffer alone, and that I couldn't keep my promises—"

The plate hit the counter with a soft clink, and Saeran's cold hand covered his mouth. "Seriously, you talk too much. Just listen. Got it?"

Saeyoung nodded his head, and the younger twin removed his hand. He let out a small huff, wisping his newly grown red bangs up into the air. "Yeah, our lives were crap. Yeah, we went through a lot. And yeah, you made a lot of bad decisions."

Ouch.

Saeran softened, and his shoulders relaxed. "But in the end, I guess…I guess you were right. We're living normal lives now. That woman is gone, and…our dad doesn't care what we do. We're okay. And, for what it's worth, I think I'm glad to be born."

Saeyoung drew a quivering breath, but any words he wanted to say before died on his lips. He reached into the drawer behind him and procured a box of matches. He tried grasping one, but his fingers were trembling too much. Saeran snatched it from his hands and lit it in one shot.

The older twin gave an apologetic glance. He waited patiently as Saeran brought the flame to each of the candles. When he was done, he lifted the plate between them. Neither of them said anything, but they closed their eyes in an unspoken understanding. The wish…

Saeyoung didn't feel qualified to have one. He had made so many wishes…prayed so many prayers in just the past year…was he pushing some boundary to ask for one more? He had his brother back after ten years. He found the love of his life. He was surrounded by group of friends who became his family.

But maybe…just maybe he could have one more.

When he opened his eyes, he found Saeran staring back at him. His lips were parted as if in hesitance. "Saeyoung…" he began. Then he shook his head as if changing his mind. "Happy Birthday...to the both of us."

Saeyoung almost pulled his brother into a hug right then and there. But despite being far more affectionate—or rather, far less aggressive—lately, Saeran was still healing and their relationship still mending. He wouldn't push it.

"On the count of three?" Saeyoung asked, finding his voice again.

 _One…_

 _Two…_

And finally, after ten years, they made it to three. Grey wisps of smoke floated in the space between them before disappearing all together. Saeran set aside the plate and pulled out the candles. He took out a knife and cut the cake in half.

A small chuckle rumbled in Saeyoung's chest as he took in the ravaged kitchen. He gathered that only one cupcake had made it out of the dozen that were attempted. He took the piece offered to him and nibbled at the edge.

Meanwhile, Saeran gleefully took a whole bite, a contended sigh ghosting past his lips. Saeyoung snickered at the white icing sticking to his brother's nose.

Saeran looked up at him, eyes wide and mildly glowering. "What?"

Saeyoung used his thumb and wiped it off. "Saeran, can I ask you something?"

"Hmm," he replied before continuing to devour his sweet treat with a vengeance.

"Are you…happy now?"

Saeran paused, and his entire body froze. For a moment, Saeyoung thought he might yell or scream or, at the very least, shoot out a sarcastic remark. But he clicked his tongue in a casual manner. "Yeah," he replied. "I guess so."

A few more tears leaked from Saeyoung's eyes. He wondered if it would become a tradition to cry on his birthday. But for the first time in twenty-three years, these were tears of joy.

At last, his birthday wish came true.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Happy Birthday, Saeyoung and Saeran :')**_

 _ **I hope you guys liked it. And just for anyone who was confused, I used their Korean ages instead of international ages. Thanks for reading!**_


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